NaNoSlowMo
The slow churn onwards
For some time now because of significant life changes in the last three years, I’ve been debating whether to start a paid subscription Substack or create a Patreon. I’m one who takes their time moving into new life projects, especially projects that involve asking for help because surely I ought to be able to shoulder the entire burden on my own. My eldest, especially, has urged me — even chivvied me — even lovingly shoved me — onto Patreon.
Needless to say, 2020 has been a turbulent year for the world. There’s always turbulence, and too often those most vulnerable suffer out of sight, unheard and untended. One reason I write is to try to understand the world by processing it through the stories I tell. I don’t know if that helps anyone but me, and I’m not always sure it helps me understand human nature and cruelty and compassion better, but it’s how I work.
As with many, my productivity in 2020 has suffered. In another timeline in which community and caring mattered more than profit, this would not be such a big deal for people like myself who live by making money off our art and work. It’s something of a truism among some (not all!) that desperation feeds creativity (have to work to eat!) and that suffering breeds great visions. That people in a world where all have a true safety net wouldn’t be creative; that the quality of art would “go down” because people weren’t “fighting for it” enough. I’m pretty sure this is not the case, since from my observation more voices are silenced out of suffering and desperation than are uplifted by it. And anyway, wouldn’t it be would be an experiment worth carrying out? Likewise, I don’t mean to directly compare my situation to that of the most marginalized and vulnerable people in this world — and there are far too many, with obstacles that could be overcome if only caring and justice mattered more to those in power than ammassing vast fortune and fleets of war machines and the ability to impose their will on those who will least benefit from it.
There are so many stories art can tell us about ourselves, about who we have been, who we are, and who we could be. This is the power and importance of art, in my opinion. Narrative can confine people to small, angry worlds or it can build worlds that envision possibility and hope. Keep working, folks. It’s a long, hard road, and we are on it regardless.
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On a personal level I am so far behind on SUN 2 that I had decided to commit myself to NaNoWriMo. For those who don’t know, NaNoWriMo is a yearly worldwide project in which people commit to writing 50,000 words at a mad dash in the month of November. As someone who has been bogged down by over-thinking as I slog through my first draft, I felt the impetus to push through fast might help me get past the anxiety and second guessing and just get a rough text down. You can’t revise what’s not written.
So, naturally, I sprained my right wrist on October 31. Fortunately x-rays showed it was not fractured, and two weeks on it’s healing well, but it put me out of commission for a bit and reminded me how little control we have over Life. Two writers I know, Debra Doyle and Roxanne Longstreet Conrad (Rachel Caine), died that week, heartbreaking losses to their families, their readers, and the larger community.
What this means for my publication schedule is that, alas, FURIOUS HEAVEN is not going to be published in Summer 2021 as I (and my publisher) had hoped. I’m not done with it yet, but I am working on it consistently and constantly, if more slowly than I would like.
Maybe one of the hardest lessons to learn, and gifts to give, is to forgive oneself for a perceived weakness or failure. It’s true for me, anyway, so my goal for the rest of the year is to remember that I write because I have something I want to say, a story I want to tell, and to focus on that for the now, the present, which is the only place I functionally exist at any and every moment.
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I do have news of a new project (with tordotcom) but this newsletter is already long and you, dear Reader, are waiting for your well-deserved photo of Finn. More detail on that in December!
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Because of my personality and other life experiences, it is painfully hard for me to say this, but yes, I do now have a Patreon, if you’d like to support. I will continue to use Substack for an almost/kind of-monthly free newsletter with a short essay and news of my work.
As for Finn, today November 18th is his third birthday.
Happy birthday, Fingolfin, High King of the Schnoldor. (Photo from Kama’aina K9, or, as we say, “camp.”)
As always, thank you. I could not do this without you.
Kate Elliott